Empty Jar Days

(Originally published April 14, 1983)

Most days are pleasant and I really enjoy them. Very seldom do I pray for the sun to go down early, but it seems every once in a while I have what I call my "empty jar days." You know, like the fellow on TV, in the salad dressing commercial? When he finally gets the jar, it's empty. Sometimes I think the advertisers made that commercial after following me around the house.

Whenever I want a tall sparkling glass of iced tea, there are no ice cubes. The trays are always in place in the freezer, but void of the "hard stuff."

What happens to the rubber bands I so faithfully save off each newspaper or bunch of onions and hang on the faucet of the kitchen sink? Guess I forgot how important rubber bands are to a paper wad fight.

When I finally get my turn in the bathroom, what do I find? Usually nothing but the empty tissue holder - the last one being used to T.P. someone's house. The soap always is in such small slivers even Tom Thumb couldn't wash behind his ears with it. A steam roller would be hard pressed to get one more drop of toothpaste from the tube.

The last Band-Aid is holding up the latest poster of some rock group. And today, I even perked yesterday's coffee grounds when unbeknownst to me, my last can was volunteered so the bake sale committee could have something to drink.

As you can tell, I am about to get on my soap box, which incidentally is empty too. I am in favor of a law compelling the person in the household who uses the last of anything to either replace it, like the water in the ice-cube trays, or leave a note alerting the "go for" in this house. I had better get to a store and stock up again. Well, you guessed it, whoever used the car last left the tank as dry as the Sahara Desert. Now that really takes the cake, or it would have, but I didn't get to finish making it.

Who used the last egg and left the empty carton in the refrigerator??

-GRANNY